By Father James F. Donelan, S.J.
Fifty-two
years ago, in the Spring of 1939, at the Jesuit retreat house in
Inisfada, New York, I met a Jesuit for the first time. I had
graduated from La Salle High School in January and had decided to be
a Jesuit, but hadn’t a clue how to go about it. However, my Aunt
Helen, a Dominican nun, had a Carmelite friend who had as her
confessor a Jesuit, Father John Gilson. It was the Carmelite sister
who arranged for me to visit Father Gilson at Inisfada to find how
one goes about becoming a Jesuit.
This
gives rise to an interesting question: If Father Gilson was my first
Jesuit, then who influenced me to want to be a Jesuit? Most Jesuits
attribute their vocation to contact with Jesuits. I had no such
contact. In fact, through most of my boyhood years, up until around
third year high school, I felt no strong calling to the priesthood.
It wasn’t excluded, but neither was it preoccupying.
It
was mainly flying that attracted my interest. The first book I recall
reading is Tom Swift and His Flying Machine. My heroes were
World War I aces (René Fonck, Eddie Rickenbacker, the Red Baron).
The magazine G-8 and his Battle Aces was my bible. The most
unforgettable and earliest memory of my boyhood years is of my father
coming over the hill from the train station, waving a newspaper and
shouting “Lindy made it!” Lindy was Charles Lindbergh, the
first man to fly across the Atlantic, May 1927. I was six years old.
But
it wasn’t Lindy who fired up my imagination. He was an international
hero. I wanted a hero of my own. And I found him. It was Speed
Haslick. (I never found out where the name “Speed” came from. The
old red Waco biplane Speed flew hardly merited the adjective
“speedy”.) Speed’s home port was a small airfield called Holmes.
If, 60 years ago, you were to walk down the street where we lived —
64th Street in Woodside — and headed north, you would,
after about three miles, have come to an open field with a barn-like
hangar, a dirt runway, a windsock and a red Waco biplane. Holmes
Airport. How many happy Sunday afternoons I spent there over the
years — sitting on the grass by the side of the runway watching
Speed landing and taking off, flying passengers on $3 and $5 rides
over Manhattan. Occasionally he would go off barnstorming, and Holmes
became a lonely field. Today Holmes Airport is called La Guardia, and
DC-9s and 727s blast into the skies from concrete runways where once
Speed and his Waco lifted off the soft grass into the quiet miracle
of flight.
Those
years of grade school and early high school were ordinary, schoolboy
years. I made model airplanes, read G-8 and His Battle Aces
and, when I could, on Sunday afternoons, when no one seemed to care
where I was, I went off to Holmes Airport, to watch Speed do his
marvelous side slips. My best laid plans at this point in my life
were quite simple: Finish high school, go to college for two years,
enter the Army Air Corps, serve the required four years in the Air
Corps, and then enter commercial aviation, which was just getting off
the ground, literally.
But
then in the third year of high school, I was assigned to write a
report on a book called Come Rack, Come Rope, a fictional
account of the life and death of Edmund Campion, an English Jesuit
who was executed by Queen Elizabeth in the latter part of the 16th
Century. That simple story changed my life. And Speed Haslick had to
move over as another figure came on the stage. The contrast in the
two men is startling: One, an Oxford don of the 16th
Century, the other, a barnstorming airplane pilot of the 1930s.
Whatever
it was — naïve romanticism or amazing grace, or both, whatever —
I was strongly attracted to the Oxford don, Edmund Campion. Campion
was one of Oxford University’s bright stars. When Queen Elizabeth
came to Oxford, it was Campion who welcomed her with a Latin oration,
in the Church of Saint Mary the Virgin where, centuries later, John
Henry Newman would proclaim the Oxford Movement. Elizabeth replied
also in Latin. And she told her aide, Lord Cecil, to keep an eye on
this young man. If Campion had played his cards right, he could have
been Archbishop of Canterbury.
He
didn’t play them right. He threw the deck away. He left Oxford and
England, went to Douai, France, where he came under the influence of
a Jesuit. After ordination in Rome, he returned to England to
minister to the persecuted Catholics. Celebrating Mass was punishable
by death. He was finally captured, racked and tortured in the Tower
of London near where the two princes had been murdered by Richard
III; after that he was hanged, drawn and quartered at Tyburn, near
Marble Arch, London. There is a bronze plaque embedded in the
pavement in front of Marble Arch which marks the place where Campion
was martyred. I was nearly martyred there myself. In an unusual
display of piety, I knelt to kiss the bronze plaque and was nearly
run over by one of those uniquely English taxicabs, probably driven
by a lineal descendant of Oliver Cromwell.
It
is a pleasant irony to realize now that my contact with the Society
of Jesus came through a Jesuit who lived 400 years ago. And you can
see now that it was really Edmund Campion who brought me to Inisfada
that day in the Spring of 1939, when I met Father Gilson. So it is
really Edmund Campion who is my first Jesuit.
However,
it seemed at the time I was chasing a will-o’-the-wisp. Father Gilson
directed me to a Father Bleicher at Fordham University, who politely
explained to me that the Society had 200 applicants but only 40
places, and for obvious reasons, they preferred graduates of Jesuit
schools whom they knew, to strangers from elsewhere. But he didn’t
reject me completely. He asked me to come back a year later, in June
1940.
So
during the rest of 1939 and the first six months of 1940, I continued
my studies at Saint Francis College, a small college in Brooklyn. I
also kept up my interest in flying. On Sunday afternoons, I would
walk to Holmes Airport. Speed was still there doing his neat slide
slips in his red Waco. A flying career was still a possibility. It
was Plan B if I failed to get into the Society.
It
would have been a good time to start a career in aviation, for this
was aviation’s heroic age, 1925-1940. In Europe, Saint-Exupery and
his Air France pilots opened air routes across the Pyrenees and the
Mediterranean, down the west coast of Africa, across the South
Atlantic and up South America’s east coast. Unable in their primitive
aircraft to top 20,000-foot mountains, they flew between them without
radar. It is all told in Saint-Exupery’s classic book Wind, Sand
and Stars. Here with his poetic language he captures the mystic
exaltation of the first airline pilots as they faced death in the
rigorous performance of their appointed rounds.
Among
the heroes of this heroic age were Speed and his fellow barnstormers.
Landing their antiquated Jennys in cow pastures and farm fields
throughout the land, they taught America how to fly. They opened up
the skies the way the cowboys and their covered wagons had opened up
the West. They even looked like cowboys — lean, tanned, wrinkled
around the eyes. They dressed the same: leather boots, whipcord
trousers, leather jacket, leather helmet, goggles and, of course, the
white scarf. And like all pioneers, they paid a high price to conquer
mountains, cross deadly deserts and merciless seas. Seventy-five
percent of the barnstorming pilots of that heroic age died in plane
crashes. Looking back now at how those planes were made — fabric
and glue and wire — the modern pilot stands aghast and in
speechless admiration.
Then
in June 1940 came two signs which seemed to indicate quite clearly
what path I should take. The first sign was negative. The Society
turned me down for the second time. And rightly so. For during the
months I had worked at the World’s Fair my grades had slipped badly.
I flunked the Latin course. I used to get home from the World’s Fair,
where I was a guide, at around 3:00 a.m., rise at 6:00 a.m., serve
Mass and go to school. Sleeping in the subways, after class I would
head back out to Flushing and the World’s Fair.
The
positive sign was that in 1940 Uncle Sam, preparing for World War II,
offered flight training to college students who could fulfil the
requirements. Standing in front of the school bulletin board and
reading the announcement, I couldn’t believe it. It was a dream come
true. I could learn to fly — free!
Thus,
at the same time the Society shut its door on me, Uncle Sam held his
wide open. No one could blame me if I felt God was telling me in no
uncertain terms that I was not meant to be a Jesuit. It all could
have ended here. Actually, God was merely writing straight in crooked
lines.
For
— and such is God’s grace — though I applied for the government
flying program and had been rejected twice by the Society, I didn’t
give up on the hope of being a Jesuit. But I knew I was running out
of time and a decision had to be made. I set two goals for myself
that year, June 1940-June 1941. I was determined to work for each
goal as it it were only one, yet at the same time not let one
interfere with the other.
The
first goal was academic: To get good grades, especially in Latin. So
I left Saint Francis College and entered sophomore year at Fordham. I
would have gone earlier but I couldn’t afford it. But now I had the
World’s Fair savings plus a working scholarship from Fordham. I gave
full time to my studies, with no sleeping in the subway, and in the
final Latin Province exam in May of 1941 I scored a 92. Thus my first
goal was achieved.
The
second goal was to win my pilot’s wings. I didn’t know yet how I
would take to flying — if I had the aptitude to be a pilot. I was
assigned at Floyd Bennet Naval Air Station for primary training near
where John F. Kennedy airport stands today. After seven hours of
instruction, I soloed, and after 35 I had my wings. The program began
in June so I had three months of vacation to get my wings without
interfering with my college classes. After that, during the school
year, I would fly only early on Sunday mornings.
I’ll
never forget those early sunrise flights. I would taxi out to one of
Floyd Bennet’s six runways, and wait there till the red light in the
tower turned green, signalling that visibility was now VFR. If the
wind was from the west, my take off would pass over the salt flats
and swamps where today we find the great runways of John F. Kennedy.
The rising sun hitting the windows of Manhattan’s skyscrapers made it
seem as if the city were all aflame.
It
is hard to put into words the mystical joy of flight, being up there
above the ceiling alone in a fantastic world where billowing cumulus
clouds form all sorts of weird shapes — Bavarian castles, sailing
ships, the faces of giants who look like Bernini’s water gods, and
enormous, nuclear mushrooms. A silent world, so peaceful, and yet so
dangerous.
Only
two writers have been able to put into words the mystical
exhilaration that comes from flight: Antoine de Saint-Exupery, who
wrote the classic Wind, Sand and Stars — this book describes
the heroic efforts and sacrifices made by the men who established the
first airmail and passenger routes between Europe, Africa and America
— and John Magee, a young American pilot whose sonnet, High
Flight, captures, first, the physical rapture of flight:
“I have danced the
sky on laughter-silvered wings, and joined the tumbling mirth of
sun-split clouds and done a hundred things you have not dreamed of.”
And
then flight’s mystical exaltation:
“And while with
silent, lifting mind I’ve trod the high untrespassed sanctity of
space, put out my hand and touched the face of God.”
Both
Antoine de Saint-Exupery and John Magee died in World War II.
Saint-Exupery was shot down over North Africa; Magee was shot down
over Germany.
As
the month of May 1941 drew to a close, I tried to establish for
myself my priorities. What was it I really wanted most: a career in
aviation or a career in the Society of Jesus? For most of the two
years — from May of 1939 to May of 1941 — I was somewhat
ambivalent. I suppose my attraction to either career was so strong
that the loss of one would be softened by the gaining of the other.
But
then a strange thing happened. I can only describe it as the grace of
vocation. Gradually, my ambivalence was replaced by a clear, strong
determination to be a Jesuit. It was not due to any falling off in my
love for flying. I loved it — and still do. But not as a life’s
work. Why? I would have to say very simply that it was the grace of
vocation. God was calling me to serve Him in a special way. Or at
least I thought He was. And if He was, I thought to myself, then the
Society would accept me the third time. It not, then I would take to
the skies.
On
a day in mid-May 1941, I told my mother I was going for an interview
by Father Bleicher who had shot me down twice. If it happened a third
time, I would change my career choice to flying. At Fordham, I got a
positive sign that God was finally seeing things my way. Father
Bleicher was not there. He had been sent to the Philippines on an
inspection trip. My interview was conducted by a kindly old Irish
Jesuit who felt I deserved a chance for having tried three times. And
so it was that on June 21, 1941 I entered the Jesuit novitiate of St.
Andrew-on-Hudson, and began the first of the 50 years that would lead
to this day.
In
retrospect, one has to marvel at God’s ways, His crooked lines that
conceal a hidden truth. In third year high school, He arranges for me
to read a book, Come Rack, Come Rope, which introduces me to a
man who, though 400 years dead, would become my model and
inspiration. Little did I realize then, as I read Campion’s life,
that one day I would live for three years in an Oxford college named
Campion Hall, that Saint Mary the Virgin’s Church and Saint John
College and the streets and fields where Campion walked would be part
of my everyday life, that one day I would be like Campion — a
Jesuit and an Oxford don.
And
what of Speed Haslick? Whatever happened to him? I flew over to
Holmes Airport shortly before entering the novitiate hoping to find
Speed. But neither he nor his red Waco were there. It was six years
before I returned to Long Island again, and by that time La Guardia
had taken over and Holmes Airport had ceased to exist.
Years
later, I met a pilot who knew Speed. He told me that when the call to
arms was sounded, Speed put his Waco in the hangar and put on the
uniform of an Army Air Corps pilot. And here he disappears in the
mist of time and the smoke of battle. Most probably he is now with
Saint-Exupery and John Magee in that Valhalla where heroes go.
Two
months ago, I began my journey back to Manila with an early morning
flight from La Guardia. Waiting for departure time and looking out
from the observation deck I could, by intersecting the radials of
various familiar landmarks, pinpoint where Holmes Airport had been.
As I looked and remembered, the thunder of jet engines taking off was
drowned out by the noise of a single Waco engine, and I could see
Speed — leather jacket, helmet, goggles and scarf — striding out
to this plane and mounting it like some medieval knight on his
charger. And suddenly, the 50 years dropped away and I was a boy
again, sitting on the grass along the runway, dreaming my dreams,
hoping that one day I, too, would chase the shouting wind along and
dance the sky on silvered wings. I would, but in ways I never dreamed
of.
And
since a homily is supposed to have a moral, what is the moral of all
this? Perhaps Shakespeare says it best of all: “There is a divinity
that shapes our ends, rough hew them though we may.” Readiness is
all — not resignation, not passivity, but an active trust in God
and His everlasting love.
—————————————–
Father
James F. Donelan, S.J. celebrated his Golden Jubilee as a Jesuit on
July 25, 1991, attended by friends in a special Mass at the chapel of
the Asian Institute of Management in Makati City. His sister,
Catherine, also a member of a religious order, flew in from New York
City to attend the occasion.
Father
Donelan has spent practically all his Jesuit life in the Philippines.
He is more of a Filipino, in many ways. On May 24, 1991, he was
conferred the degree of Doctor of Humane Letters, Honoris Causa by
the College of the Holy Cross, Worcester, Massachusetts, USA.
The
conferment citation reads: “Man of letters from Oxford University,
professor, dean and president of the Ateneo de Manila, founder and
professor of the Asian Institute of Management. You have not allowed
your commitment to scholarship and administration blind you to the
desperate conditions of the poor. As effective advocate for the
thousands of street children in the Philippines, you are fund raiser,
sponsor, caretaker and relentless lobbyist on their behalf.”
This
publication of the homily he delivered on the celebration of his
Golden Jubilee is sponsored by friends.
(Published
in August 1991 in The Business Star, Manila, Philippines)